Pink Polka Dots

The suns out. It’s the first time since…well for a good bit of time. Pulling back the depressing thick black curtains that Ma so ingeniously put up I see drops of water glistening on our shaggy front lawn. No ones mowed it in months, that were always Dad’s job. Every Sunday morning he would have breakfast with us, read the Sunday funnies and go mow the lawn. But now he doesn’t even come out for breakfast, Ma just brings it to him in his workshop out back.
A devilish smile begins to creep across my face as I rush to my room; it too has had the recent addition of those awful black curtains. After a few minutes of crazed rummaging, I finally find it. My brand new pink polka dot bikini, yes I said bikini. Ma really flipped her lid when she saw it but I made her promise not to tell Dad, and she cooled down when I said I would only wear it at home. After wriggling into the tiny top and me new clam diggers I skip out back and get the lawn mower. I mean it’s such a beautiful day, why not mow the lawn. And I’ll get a super neat tan, Mary Anne just got back from Florida and is positively golden, but after today I think I can give her a run for her money.
Up, and down, up and down, our front lawn I go. It’s really not that fun but I’m almost done now so I might as well finish. With only a small patch of shaggy lawn to go I see the mail man drop something in our box. Glad to have a distraction, I run down our gravel drive. I’m sure it’s not for me, but it might be Ma’s new home and garden. Which would be super because I could lay on the lawn, glossing over the pictures.
With a squeak I pull open our mail box. I can’t believe it. My mouth drops and my eyes widen with surprise. It is for me. I don’t even pay attention to who’s it from and I rip open the letter. Ten minutes later I’m still standing in the same spot as when I opened that dreadful letter. I’ve read it three times now, and just can’t believe it. Tears begin to gush from my eyes, and a rage I’ve never felt begins to flow from my pink toe nails, to the top of my blonde head..
Prick, asshole, that fuck. I always heard Lemmon use those words but I really never found a use for them, you know what I mean. Well now I had a use for them alright. Prick, asshole, fucker. Those three words filled my mind. I just couldn’t believe it. I mean who gave him the right, who gave him the fucking right. It’s been four months, four long months since we found out he was never coming back. And in those four god damn months I’ve just ignored it, we all have. Ma never talks about it and dad just doesn’t talk, so it’s as if it never happened.
But now comes this stupid boy telling me how fucking amazing, and wonderful my brother was. Well no shit. He was my big brother he always snuck me out to the movies with him, and put me on his shoulders so I had the best view at baseball games when we were little. So yes, I know he was amazing and wonderful, trust me I’ve been trying to forget for four months just how fucking wonderful he really was.
I race inside leaving the lawn mower splayed out on the ground. I sneak in quietly and tip toe to Lemmon’s room. I open the door with only a tiny squeak. I haven’t been in here in four months. Before that I used to sleep in his bed, but after we found I just couldn’t anymore. I slowly open one of his desk drawers, and pull out his lighter; he always said he wished he’d taken it with him. In moments the letter is engulfed in flames, what beautiful blue and orange flames. I lay down on lemons bed, entranced by the flames. Slowly flames begin to dance across Lemmon's bed, and with a smile I close my eyes